After four years together, Jill and I were both very keen to have children. We paid a clinic to use my egg, fertilise it with the help of a close male friend, and my partner carried the baby. Joe is a lovely, happy two-year-old who is part of both of us and understands that he's got two mums. He calls me mum and my partner, mummy.
We wanted Relate's help because, as Joe gets older, his biological father (whom he calls daddy) wants to have more contact with Joe than we had originally envisaged. With nursery school coming up, we wanted to discuss issues around contact and responsibility in order to be united in supporting Joe as he starts school. We have always wanted Joe to have men in his life and his daddy has become more and more important to him. But sometimes, Jill finds Joe's bond with his dad a bit threatening.
The family counsellor provided a setting where Jill and I, Joe and his dad could discuss these issues and especially how we prepare Joe for possible teasing or discrimination when he goes to school. Gay parents face similar issues to those of other minority families and we don't want our little boy to suffer as a result of other children's or adults' thoughtless remarks. The counsellor created a safe space for us to talk about the future and Joe was listening carefully to the conversation and was able to make his opinion known.
Life isn't always easy for gay parents and their children. Kids can get bullied. Gay parents fear their kids will resent them, so we have worried that when he gets older he may blame us. We stopped going to antenatal classes because at the first one everyone in the room was staring at us. The counsellor understood all our worries and helped us to see that, even though Joe was conceived differently, gay parents are exactly the same as everyone else - we want to be happy and do a good job raising our family. As a result of the counselling, we now feel like a team who are able to negotiate and work together to be good, loving parents for Joe.
Services for Lesbian, Gay, bi and Trans clients
All our services can help you or your children. To find out more about how, go back to our ‘LGBT people who want help’ section or see the following services:
- Relationship Counselling
- Children & Young People’s Counselling
- Family Counselling
- Sex Therapy
- Education & Learning