Common Problems

My parents are always arguing and I don't have anyone to talk to

It is normal for parents to argue and disagree from time to time, in fact sometimes it is healthy to bring their differences out in the open rather than keeping it bottled up and staying angry. Even if they are rowing regularly, there can be a lot of love, care and affection in between. In fact, watching your parents disagree if not always damaging and may help you deal well with arguments as you grow up.

However, it is different if the arguments become too heated and too often.

Children often worry that when parents argue, it means that they no longer love each other and that they may get divorced. It can be very upsetting to hear your parents call each other unkind names and yell at each other.

Remember that the arguments are not necessary about you or anything that you have done, but rather between the two of them.

Where it becomes too heated and too frequent, you should remember the following:

It is not your job to be a referee.
Stay out of the argument.
Go somewhere else in the house, close the door, find something else to do until it is over
Although your parents may resort to name calling, and saying unkind and hurtful things to each other, it does not mean that it is OK for you to do likewise

Where parents lose control and may hurt each other, they will need the help of another adult to get their anger under control.

What you can do:

Talk to a relative whom you can trust.
Talk to a teacher
Talk to an adult friend whom you can trust
Talk to the school counsellor, or a therapist or a Relate family counsellor.

These people know how to help families work on problems, including fighting. They can help by teaching family members to listen to each other and talk about feelings without yelling and screaming.

Although it may take some work and time, people in families can learn to get along better.