Cancer causes lasting strain on relationships say Relate and Cancerbackup
27 March 2008
- Two thirds of survey respondents said that cancer had affected their sexual relationship with their partner.
- Half of respondents said that worrying about money as a result of cancer had put a strain on their relationship.
- The majority (74%) of people with cancer lost confidence and felt less attractive, which many found had a very bad effect on their relationship.
- People given information reported less negative effects on their relationship.
- Nearly half (43%) couldn't talk to their partner about certain cancer related issues and 40% of them, had no one else to talk to.
The vast majority of people, either living with cancer themselves or who have a partner with cancer, find that it puts a strain on their relationship, a survey by Cancerbackup and Relate reveals. Advice columnist Bel Mooney is supporting a campaign by charities Relate and Cancerbackup, to highlight the need for more relationship support and information for all people affected by cancer.
In a survey of over 350 people, 86% said that cancer had put a strain on their relationship with their partner. Over two thirds (72%) of respondents said that cancer had affected their sexual relationship with their partner, and tiredness, loss of desire and confidence were given as the main reasons why. When asked how well their relationship had coped with this change, around half (45%) said well or very well but just over a quarter (27%) said badly or not at all.
Half of all respondents said that worrying about money as a result of either themselves or their partner having cancer had put a strain on their relationship. Over two thirds (71%) said that the impact of one of them being unwell had put a strain on their relationship and a quarter (26%) said that problems at work as a result of having cancer had. One fifth (20%) of people felt they coped badly with these strains but 43% felt they coped well.
Bel Mooney, advice columnist, writer, children's author and Relate Ambassador, said: "It isn't surprising to learn that cancer has a significant effect on relationships, so closely is it bound up with self-image and how we relate to our partners and loved ones. Those who are able to access good quality information on how relationships change with a cancer diagnosis are likely to cope better with the impact - this is why I am supporting Relate and Cancerbackup in their work to see couples and individuals better supported and better informed."
The survey revealed that those with cancer often view the affect on their relationship differently to their partner. Partners of those with cancer are more likely to experience emotions like frustration and anger, but believe it has less effect on their relationship than the people with cancer do.
The majority (74%) of people found they lost confidence and felt less attractive due to their cancer diagnosis and its treatment, and of the two thirds (67%) that felt this affected their relationship, 85% said that it had had a bad or very bad effect. When asked if their partners cancer had changed how attractive their partner was to them, one fifth said yes, and 75% of them, said this had had a negative impact on their relationship.
Although only 4% of the people that filled in the survey broke up with their partner, the survey reveals that the experience of a cancer diagnosis takes a serious toll on relationships. When asked to assess the strength of their relationship at diagnosis, 71% of people said it was either very strong or strong, but when asked to assess the strength of their relationship now, only around half (56%) gave their relationship the same rating.
People who were given information about relationships and cancer, reported that the impact of cancer had less negative effects on their relationship. Most people said that they experienced anger (70%), as a result of having cancer, but those who had received information were less likely to say it affected their relationship, only 29%, whereas of those who hadn't been given information, 58% said that it had affected their relationship. Similarly, most people have experienced fear as a result of the cancer diagnosis, but only a third (34%) of people given information felt it affected their relationship, whereas over half (52%) of people that weren't given any felt it had affected their relationship.
Derryn Borley Cancerbackup Head of Cancer Support Services said: "People don't know what to expect when they or their partner are diagnosed with cancer and are often shocked by how it affects every aspect of their lives. Health professionals should be helping people to understand that what they are going through is normal, by providing them with information on how cancer can affect relationships. That's why Cancerbackup has teamed up with Relate to produce a free new leaflet offering advice and signposting to further support."
The survey revealed some of the positive effects cancer can have on relationships for example 42% thought that one of them having cancer had improved how well they communicate their feelings to their partner. However, just over a quarter (28%) felt that it had made it worse. Just under half (43%) of people felt there were issues to do with their cancer that they could not discuss with their partner and 40% of them, said they did not have anyone else they could talk to about these issues.
Relate counsellor Christine Northam said: "Where couples are coping with cancer, relationships take the strain. Sometimes even the strongest couple need extra support to make sense of their feelings. A professional counsellor can provide that additional help - we have to make sure that everyone who needs this help can access it."
For a copy of the free leaflet 'Cancer, you and your partner' by Cancerbackup and Relate please visit: http://www.cancerbackup.org.uk/relationships Or call Cancerbackup's helpline 0800 800 1234.
A total of 373 people answered Cancerbackup's and Relate's survey. 215 of them had received a cancer diagnosis themselves and 157 people's partner had been diagnosed with cancer.
1) Cancerbackup is the only national charity that specialises in providing information on all types of cancer. All Cancerbackup services are free to cancer patients, their relatives and friends. Cancerbackup's freephone helpline : 0808 800 1234 is open Mon-Fri, 9am-8pm. The charity's website can be found at www.cancerbackup.org.uk Cancerbackup Centres can be found in St Bartholomew's Hospital, Charing Cross Hospital, the London Clinic, The Christie Hospital, Ipswich Hospital, Nottingham University Hospitals, Coventry's University Hospital and Jersey.
2) Relate, the relationship people, is the UK provider of relationship counselling to 150,000 people each year at 600 locations nationwide. Relate services extend beyond couple counselling to family counselling, counselling for young people, online counselling, sex therapy and relationship skills workshops. In 2008, Relate celebrates 70 years of working to promote health, respect and justice in couple and family relationships. For more information and advice visit: www.relate.org.uk or call: 0300 100 1234.
3) Cancerbackup is merging with Macmillan Cancer Support on 1 April 2008.
