Relate Press Releases
MAR 05 2013 / Relate reveals Britain’s arguing habits
Relate, the UK’s largest relationships support charity, today reveals new findings about Britain’s arguing habits. The charity found:
- Over a third of parents (36%) argue with their partner once a week or more whereas one in ten (10%) say they argue less than once a year.*
- The biggest cause of arguments is money (33%).
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Over two thirds (69%) of people feel comfortable about how much they argue but one in five (20%) felt they argued too much.
Ruth Sutherland, CEO of Relate, said: “Arguments are a natural part of any relationship and it is encouraging that most people feel comfortable with how much they argue. However, Relate knows that arguments can be damaging to relationships, or can be a sign that things aren’t going well, which is why Relate has developed a new online tool to help people review how they argue.”
Ruth went on to say:
“It is no surprise that money worries again top the list of things people are most likely to argue about, we know that increasingly relationships are under pressure and relationship breakdown costs the UK economy £44 billion a year**.”
Another recent survey from Relate, showed that 71 per cent of counsellors reported that money is becoming a more severe problem for their clients***.
This research also revealed:
- Over half of parents (54%) said they didn’t think it was ever ok to argue in front of their children.
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Over half of people (53%) said they felt uncomfortable arguing with friends compared to only 40% who said they felt uncomfortable arguing with colleagues.
The charity has released these findings to coincide with the launch of their free online ‘Arguments Check-Up’, an online questionnaire for people to find out about their own arguing style and compatibility with other arguing styles.
The check-up was written by Susan Quilliam, author of the Relate book ‘Stop Arguing Start Talking’.
Susan said: “We hope by completing the ‘Arguments Check-Up’ people will discover a little about their own style of arguing and also a little about their partners style so they can understand each other more. Plus, even if people feel comfortable arguing with each other, they may not know how to improve the way they argue - the arguments check-up helps them do that.”
The tool has been developed to help people understand the different styles of arguing. Relate have identified five types of arguers:
1) ‘Defenders’ who want to stick to their guns and expect the same from a partner.
2) ‘Appeasers’ who sees their role as making sure they smooth over disagreements.
3) ‘Challengers’ who bring passion to their disagreements and think emotional wrestling is a sign of commitment
4) 'Retreaters’ who finds arguments threatening and something to avoid.
5) ‘Negotiators’ who will invest in ‘give and take’ to ensure they get the best outcome.
The tool aims to help couples communicate better by understanding how they each approach arguing.
Anyone who feels threatened, trapped, or has experienced violence through an argument is urged to seek help. If you need immediate help or advice contact Domestic Violence Helpline or help is also available via Women’s Aid and Relate.
To use the Relate Arguments Check –Up visit www.relate.org.uk/argument-check-up
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Contact Cath Allen, Head of Marketing, on: 020 7554 2885 / cath.allen@relate.org.uk or for out of hours enquiries - 07971 869 735
End Notes
*The Fieldwork was conducted by Vision Critical on behalf of Relate in Nov 2012, 1,632 British adults aged 18+ were surveyed. All were in a relationship for 3 years+, with children (of any age). There was a broad spread of age, gender, region and social grade. Quoted figures are unweighted.
**Cost of Family Breakdown Index, Relationships Foundation
***Survey was conducted with 217 couples counsellors who were drawing on working with 14,000 clients and 48 family counsellors answered the family questions. (June 2012)
Domestic Violence Helpline can be contacted on 0808 2000 247 (24 hours a day)
Footnotes
1) Relate champions the importance of strong and healthy relationships as the basis of a thriving society.
2) Personal and social relationships are important in our everyday lives and are central to our wellbeing.
3) Relationships are under increasing pressure - breakdown costs the UK economy £44 billion each year according to the Relationships Foundation.
4) Over a million people every year access information, support and counselling from Relate but it's clear many more would benefit from Relate services.
5) For more information and advice visit: www.relate.org.uk