People don't stay the same and neither do relationships. One of the things that couples talk about over and over again is how their sex life changes.

Changes in your sex life

At the start of a relationship sex is often urgent and exciting. Many couples will grab every opportunity they can to make love and sex is often a big part of their relationship.

But inevitably the falling in love stage matures and sex matures as well. For some couples this can bring feelings of anxiety. But as long as you recognise that this is a natural part of a relationship then both of you can make the necessary adjustments.

Living together

The first noticeable change often coincides with living together. When you know that you'll see each other tomorrow - and the next day and the next day - sex becomes less urgent. You're also likely to be seeing a lot more of each other's daily living habits. Cutting toenails, unblocking drains and collapsing exhausted from work can detract from the mystery and familiarity tends to settle in. Having children under your feet can also make it harder to find the time and the privacy that you used to enjoy.

Living together brings challenges to any couple and it's very common for couples to begin to argue as they negotiate the rules and roles of their relationship. This extra tension often means that neither partner feels in the mood for sex.

Long term relationships

Sex in a long term relationship doesn't have to get stuck in a rut. Whether or not you find sex boring is often more about attitude than the things you actually do.

As your relationship continues to mature, sex matures as well. But like a fine wine, it can become richer and fruitier! As you get to know each other better, a deeper trust develops. You're less likely to feel inhibited and you can look forward to a new stage of sexual experimentation. Without the initial insecurities, you can take the time to learn to become great lovers together.

Keeping sex sexy

If your sex life seems to be slipping into a rut then you and your partner need to make a commitment to getting things back on track again. You'll both need to accept that sex changes over time and the mere sight of their partner may no longer send you into a lustful frenzy. And you'll need to commit to not letting sex become predictable. As your relationship continues to mature, you need to agree that you will make more effort - not less.

Tips for beating sexual boredom

  • Make an effort to always look your best for your partner and keep yourself in good health
  • Take any and every opportunity to be romantic, to touch, to share loving words
  • Change the scenery - bathroom, living room, alfresco
  • Watch an erotic movie together to get you in the mood or share an erotic story
  • Experiment with new sexual positions
  • Introduce a new sex toy
  • Change the way you initiate sex - maybe something more daring or more romantic
  • Play some role play sex games
  • Learn a new stimulation technique

How we can help

If you're worried about your sex life, there are various ways we can help.