It sounds as if you may have a belief that the one serious relationship you’ve had so far was so special that, although it’s very painful, you have to keep in touch with the feelings you continue to have about that person. But, as you’re finding out, that isn’t really helping. While taking a chance with your friend may involve dealing with uncertainty about how it will all work out - as well as requiring you accept them as a whole person (not just the bits you think you see when you’re falling in love) - it may also offer the chance for a new beginning. If you can hang on in there, you may just give yourself the opportunity to see whether this friend, while they may not be the same person as your lost love, could be able to offer you something just as valuable as they did.