Learn about the nuances of asexuality and its intersection with relationships. Discover how open communication and respect can build fulfilling connections, irrespective of sexual orientation.
What is asexuality?
Asexuality, as part of the broad spectrum of human sexuality, is often misunderstood. To be asexual means you aren’t sexually attracted towards any gender. This shouldn’t be confused with a lack of interest in romantic relationships as asexual people might still want companionship and intimacy, just not of a sexual nature.
Asexuality is distinct from celibacy or abstinence, as they are both chosen behaviours, where asexuality is an inherent sexual orientation. Asexuality isn’t a medical condition or a disorder. There is nothing wrong with someone who isn’t sexually attracted to another person; it’s just part of the diverse spectrum of human sexuality. It can be seen as having a spectrum of its own. Some asexual people may experience no sexual attraction at all, and others some.
Many people who identify as asexual may still choose to have sex or masturbate. It’s just the desires that drive these actions don’t come from feeling sexually aroused by another person. The reasons that they may chose to have sex may vary. Some may experience desire that they want to satisfy, to make their partner happy, to show and receive affection, for the physical pleasure of it. But their desire for sex does not come from sexual attraction to another.
Asexuality and relationships
Asexual people (sometimes referred to as “aces”) can have any romantic orientation. They might be heteroromantic (attracted to the opposite gender), homoromantic (same gender), biromantic (two or more genders), panromantic (all genders), or aromantic (no romantic attraction to any gender).
Asexual people often form meaningful, fulfilling relationships. These relationships might look different from those of sexual individuals, focusing on emotional intimacy, shared experiences, or platonic love rather than sexual attraction. Asexual people can also be in relationships with sexual individuals.
Asexuality and relationships
Because asexuality is on such a broad spectrum and means different things to different people it’s really worth checking out definitions and understanding what it means to you, whether you are in a relationship or not. If needed, don’t hesitate to seek professional help from relationship counsellors to explore what it means to you and your partner if you have one. It can help hugely by checking out assumptions, opening up opportunities to get closer, and exploring possibilities as you consider how you want to be.
Respect is key in any relationship. Acknowledge and validate each other’s experiences and feelings.
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