Valentine's day can bring out the pink-hued grinch in me. There’s something about the gaudy marketing, the tedious encouragement to prioritise romantic love above all else and the abundance of flesh-coloured candy that makes me check out of this “holiday” entirely. However, when I speak to Relate Counsellor Simone Bose, she shares some ways in which we can make the day our own. “It’s a chance to redirect your attention to all the places you feel love,” she tells me over the phone in London, “think about what you need and how you can fulfil your own desires”
Romantic love is great but making space for the different kinds of love in your life will get you through.
Using this day, however, you might feel about it, to take stock of the love in your life is one of the biggest ways we can make this day our own. “It’s a good excuse to reach out and say ‘hey, I was thinking of you’”, says Simone, “Love can come in many different forms”. If you want to invite more love and connection into your life, sending a text to people you’ve been meaning to get back to is one strategy.
Make your own traditions
There’s nothing like gathering your friends, single or not, for a night of fun and relaxation. Make it explicit that this hangout is dedicated to letting each other know how much you love and appreciate each other. You can each write them down and then read them aloud (or not if you’re so inclined) and collect them when it’s time to go home. Each person then leaves with a stack of notes about what they mean to the people in their lives. Setting this intention can help anchor this day in platonic love and connection.
Dedicate the day to self-love
By now, the term self-care has lost all meaning — particularly when faced with real-life systemic poverty, the cost of living crisis and political upheaval that no bubble bath is going to fix. Nevertheless, we can extend the love and care we deserve to ourselves rather than wait for the universe to bless us with someone, or something, to do it for us. “There is something liberating about realising that if you feel a need in your life, you can do your best to fill it yourself “, says Simone. She suggests writing down all the ways in which you receive love from others, whether this be from a pet, a family member, a friend or your favourite cashier in the grocery shop. “It can be enlightening to see all ways in which you benefit from the love of others in your life.”
Set yourself up for success
Another way to enjoy this day through self love is to articulate what your priorities are for yourself: how do you want to spend your time? Make sure these areas or commitments are manageable and within your control like taking 5 minutes each day to eat something you really love or pick up a new hobby. Recently, after a particularly bad date, I decided that I was going to dedicate my energy to the dance classes I’ve been neglecting. I wanted to set myself up for success by making the goal about simply showing up, rather than making my body look a certain way.
Reluctant as I was in the beginning of this process, I’ve come to realise that the beauty of any holiday is that you can make it exactly what you want or need it to be. There is no prescribed rule about how to spend your time and any excuse to make your life more connected, joyful or exciting is a good one.
This blog was authored by Rosel Jackson Stern, a journalist and artist whose work primarily covers culture, politics and art. They are currently based in Stockholm, Sweden.
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