Office romances offer a unique opportunity to get to know someone on a deeper level, but it's important to navigate these relationships carefully.
Consider the impact on your job and career, especially if one of you has seniority over the other or if there are policies against romantic relationships in the workplace. Telling colleagues can also be tricky, but keeping it a secret can lead to problems down the line. Protecting your relationship from work-related stress and conflict is important too, so make sure to discuss how to maintain a division between your personal and professional lives. Ultimately, open communication and a willingness to work through challenges can help these relationships succeed. If you need support, our relationship counsellors are here to help.
Keeping it professional
The most obvious question with office romances is whether or not it will put your job at risk or harm your career. Romantic relationships with colleagues change how you relate to one another. If you work closely together day to day then it's easy for your intimacy to blend into your professional interactions. That might show itself in different ways, like preferential treatment or a lack of productivity in the midst of an argument. Whilst most of us are aware of how we appear, or how our work is experienced by others, a romantic relationship in the workplace demands a greater self scrutiny as we think about ‘the optics’; how does it look given that everyone knows we’re an item.
Seniority
Is your lover also your manager? While fun in some ways, it's complicated in others. Perhaps one of you has access to confidential information that the other isn't privy to. Or perhaps the power imbalance at work affects how you relate to each other in your relationship. It's also worth checking the fine print of your employment contract, as some workplaces have specific policies against workmates entering into a romantic relationship.
Telling colleagues
Whilst your instinct might be to keep your romance a secret, this can cause problems. If you aren't open about your relationship in the beginning, and are caught later on, you could face bigger problems.
Be prepared that your colleagues might react badly. Decisions that might have nothing to do with your relationship could be interpreted as favoritism. Your co-workers might take it less seriously when you agree on a topic, or find it awkward and uncomfortable if you don't. It can be difficult for colleagues to take a side on a work related issue if they feel they're also taking a side in your argument.
Protecting your relationship
Complications can work the other way, too. Work can easily affect your relationship, especially if you’re dealing with a stressful project or heavy workload. Disagreements as colleagues can become conflicts at home. This can be difficult to manage, especially if you’re only just starting out as a couple.
And the sheer amount of time you can end up spending together can be an issue too: seeing each other all day and then spending time together outside of work may feel like too much company -- especially if you're arguing about that meeting earlier.
Working it out together
While this all might sound like a lot of hard work, many office romances develop into long-term, committed relationships. What lots of research has shown us is that proximity breeds affection. The best way to ensure this happens is to talk through some of the potential risks and consequences and make sure you’re agreed on how you’ll handle them.
Talk about how you'll maintain a division between your work and personal lives, getting into the real detail of it all. How will you talk to each other at work? Will you talk about work at home? Which colleagues will you tell, if any? What's the plan if you need to work together on a task?
You’ll also need to talk openly about what could happen if your relationship does become an issue at work. If necessary, would one of you be willing to move on from the job to stay in the relationship?
These are difficult conversations, and ones you understandably might want support for. If so, we're here. Our relationship counsellors help lots of people set boundaries and discuss what the future of their relationship might bring.
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