We don't always agree when it's the right time to end a relationship. Your partner may want to separate but you may feel that the problems you’re experiencing aren’t that serious. Or maybe your partner doesn't accept your decision to end the relationship. There are things you can do to make the decision easier.
My partner wants to break up but I don't
Your partner may want to separate but you may feel that the problems you’re experiencing aren’t that serious. You may think you and your partner could work harder to make your relationship right again.
It’s not unusual for people to have a difference of opinion about separation.
If you’re finding it hard to accept your partner’s decision to separate, you’re not alone. However, the bottom line is that if your partner has decided they definitely want to end the relationship you’ve not much choice in the matter.
You can do things to make your way forward easier:
Talk to your partner.
Find out what’s led them to their decision. You could try to make changes to improve things. Your partner is unlikely to change their mind, but this may make for a smoother separation.
Ask your partner to be patient.
Explain that while they may want to push on with separating, you need time to get your head around their decision and deal with your immediate hurt and anger.
Be realistic.
You need to understand that you’ll have to face the practicalities of separating at some point.
I want to break up but my partner doesn't
You may have thought long and hard about your decision to separate. You may have told your partner many times how unhappy you are. Still, it may come as a surprise to them to realise you’ve made up your mind to end your relationship.
Even if it’s no surprise, they may not want to accept your decision. It’s not unusual for people to differ about whether to separate.
If your partner disagrees with your decision, you may need to:
Be clear.
Explain why you want to end the relationship. If your decision is final, stress this.
Give your partner time.
They may not be as ready as you to move forward. They may instead put their energies into trying to fix things. It can help if you try to understand this, even if for you it’s “too little, too late”.
Ease things forward.
Taking small practical steps can help to start move things on. For example, you could look into alternative living arrangements. This can also help your partner see that you’re serious.
Accepting the end of a relationship
Make sure your partner is clear about why you want to end the relationship and why you feel you have done all you can do. Show them that there are some things that you have valued about the relationship that you will take from it.
Try this activity to help you to talk to your partner about separating:
- List the five main issues that you have not been happy with in your relationship
- List what steps you have taken to try to address them
- Write down three positive things that you will take from the relationship
- Let you partner know what is the next step you would like to take
Share the lists with your partner.
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