My boyfriend bit my clit

My first question is what do you want to do? 

No-one should stay in any sort of partnership with someone whose continued behaviour or actions leaves them feeling vulnerable, unheard and indeed traumatised. So, if you really feel that what happened has permanently soured your trust in him to meet your needs – sexual or otherwise – then you may want to consider if its time to move on.

It certainly sounds like what you've experienced has felt very powerful, but in a bad way.  Perhaps this event has links to other difficult or frightening experiences you might have had. Sometimes, something a partner does, albeit inadvertently or just plain thoughtlessly (we can all act like this on occasion) can put us in touch with feeling angry, rageful, depressed, very sad or even fearful feelings, but these feelings actually relate to other people or events. Likewise, a single current event such as you describe can set the scene for ongoing problems. 

That said, I obviously have no idea if this is the case for you and if we just go down the road that your boyfriend was very clumsy and unfeeling then there is the possibility of educating him about what you really need sexually. There is no excuse for him continuing with something that you’d already said no to, but I’m not sure from your letter if you mean that you told him to stop biting or whether you told him you didn’t want to carry on with the session generally because nothing much was happening for you and he therefore (stupidly) thought that some clit action might be helpful and then got it wrong. 

 Either way, he obviously didn’t listen and he needs to address this. It seems he’s apologised, but in a situation like this, he has to regain your trust through careful listening to what works for you and then delivering according to that message. Remember, too, though that sex is hopefully a two way partnership. You need to make sure you’re trying to figure out his needs as well, but not at the expense of being hurt or frightened in anyway .

You don’t tell me anything about the relationship generally but if, on balance, you feel that this is a relationship that’s important to you, works well in most respects and one in which you feel there is mutual love and respect, then working together on what’s happened may feel worthwhile and important. If, on the other hand, it’s turning or turned out to be one where he’s prioritising his needs over yours all the time, shows no concern for your feelings and behaves as if you’re just there for the sex, then my advice would be to find someone who does the opposite.

Good sex includes feeling able to be totally vulnerable and at ease with a partner. It can take time to establish this as you get to understand where each other is coming from, so to speak, and sometimes people get it wrong. The key factor here is whether there is a real determination to learn and create something that works for both partners, most of the time. So, the bottom line here is - if he made a mistake, then he needs to evidence he’s learned from it and you need to work on forgiving him.  If it’s anything else, then maybe it’s time to seriously question if you’re in the right place.